Friday, March 19, 2010

The Guest List for the Weekend of 19-March-2010

(DISCLAIMER: all names are clickable for relevant stories used to determine whether said guest should be "REJECTED" or "ACCEPTED")

John Sheehan - Why am I not surprised that someone of your age in the military that you were in is afraid of gays? It's a sign of the general bigotry and prejudice we'd expect from asshats like you. It's also nice because when you say stupid shite like the Dutch army was weakened by allowing openly gay soldiers, you make it easier for those of use with sense to get our point across: that discrimination based on sexuality is so last decade. I mean, Israel allows openly gay people in their military. ISRAEL! Home of some crazy ball-bustin' fuckers from the Bible AND creators of Krav Maga, one of the most bad ass martial arts out there. Yeah, THEIR gay soldiers could probably make you bite your own ass. So please, please, PLEASE march your way back to the Senate Armed Forces Committee to keep defending your cause, because when you do, you only strengthen our point. DisMISSED!

Lee Deitrick - OK, now i'm going to say this slowly, mostly to keep from getting my ire up. Why... the FUCK... would you tattoo... a BABY?! My mind is a just big ball of "WTF?!", right now. How much and what kind of drug were you on? Did you ingest afterbirth or maybe smoke a turtle? Seriously, because you had to be on some MAJORLY fucked up shit, to do that fucked up shit. It's a baby! It had to have been crying and squirming and, and... it's a fucking baby! I just can fathom how you have managed to survive as long as you have with out someone justifiably killing you. On that note, you should go back home before our security cameras accidentally glitch, and you end up horribly (and justifiably) disfigured. - Have you no shame, creator of It's bad enough that parents are unemployed, losing houses to bad mortgages, and don't have affordable health care, but no, you have to make it worse by extending credit to KIDS! Kids who "promise" to pay it back, and if they can't, they can send you someone else's name to pay it off for them. what in the holy hell is wrong with you? This is not a market that EVER needed to be ventured into. Kids don't need credit, they need an ass-whopping the second they walk into the room asking if they can by an online gigapet and pay it off in installments. They'll be as good at that as they are at feeding the fish everyday like they promised they would. You need to get the fuck out of my line, and stay away from the kids on the way home, freak!

Liberty University Students - You do realize that just by standing in line for the club you are more than likely going to go to hell, by your rules. I'm sure you are covering something in the general vicinity, and if you are in true religious form of late, it's probably of the same gender. You also realize, I hope, that any degree you get from Liberty University (a misnomer in every sense of the word) will be worth fuck all when you graduate and have to pay off your insane student loans and support yourself in the real world. I have a question though... You are studying creationism, right? That's ONE FUCKING BOOK! How can you make an entire degree out of just one book? I'm sure you can argue that there are the interpretation of that one book, but then you aren't learning about the Bible, you are learning about what someone tells you the Bible is, what they WANT you to think it is. So, Liberty University is a brain-washing school, then? You are feeling sleepy, when you hear my fingers snap, you will come to your senses, get out of line, go home, and do something useful with your life. *SNAP*

Christina Hendricks - Christina, I do have to apologize. We are inviting you in base completely on your looks. We haven't seen "Mad Men", but we have seen your numerous spreads and red carpet appearances, and I have to admit, I'm in love. It is a purely basal, primal love, yes, but we are looking to build on that into something... more real. It might even include checking out your acting. I just think you are gorgeous. You have an amazing non-Hollywood standard body, and you are making waves with it. Well, before I make an even bigger ass out of myself, please come in, and let us stare at them you a bit. And for the rest of the guests who might be fans of Christina, you REALLY should check out the link.

Lady Gaga - I know, I know, Lady Gaga, I can't quite believe we are doing it either, BUT your last two videos haven't been too bad. Dare I say that, on a rare occasion, you even look attractive. It is possible that you are the first rejectee-cum-acceptee. If so, I am sad that you were the first to attain that honor, but it is fitting, I guess. Your video for "Bad Romance" was pretty hot, and it IS damn catchy. "Telephone" being NSFW caught the eye, and I have to say, I liked it, except for the Beyonce over-blacking herself, but you can't have everything. Please, come in, don't be too weird, and when we are done staring at Christina, we'll have a go at you. Guests, I do recommend the NSFW video behind the link.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Guest List for the Weekend of 05-March-2010

(DISCLAIMER: all names are clickable for relevant stories used to determine whether said guest should be "REJECTED" or "ACCEPTED")

An abbreviated list this week, to get back in the swing of things. Enjoy!

Yevgeny Plushenko - Yevgeny... do you realize what a douche you are? In the "let's get to know Yevgeny" segment NBC had on, we got to know a little bit more about you while you were driving around what i believe was Moscow. Sure there are some people out there who like figure skating, but straight-man-to-ambiguous-man, you're excuse to come back to figure skating was retarded. you need the excitement, the adrenaline? and again, i know it's a competition, but, and i'm allowed to be an ass since it's my club, it's not like cage-fighting or soccer. it isn't head-to-head, battle of the fiercest kinda adrenaline stuff. it is, in your case, a guy who wears silk and sequins who apparently doesn't know the rules to his competition (i can do a quad so i win, wah wah WAH!) sliding around on ice flailing his arms and legs and spinning without falling down. so, instead of giving you any more undeserved podium time (platinum, may ass, comrade), i'll bid you a congratulations on your silver, here's a silk ribbon, now go play with your nesting dolls.

Sen. Roy Ashburn - OK, now saying this isn't nice, it's meant as hyperbole, but Sen. Ashburn... is EVERY Republican in office gay? i mean, you guys fight tooth and nail time and time again against gay rights and for family values, and every month or two, we find one of you slurping at glory holes or jerking strangers off on barstools. why hate yourself? just be, be happy, or be in the dark of night and don't get caught. whatever, but we're not too big on two-faced cockhead politicians trying to hold their own kind down. love yourself... just not here, in line. wait till you get home.

Noah Cyrus - How in the hell did you get out of the house this late? And what are you doing in line to my club? You're hardly a tween and there are videos of you posted online smacking your ass to akon. Now, you've put out your own lip-sync (getting practice from your sister?) video to a song far beyond your age group? What is the deal? Why? Why can't your just have age-appropriate fun? And who the fuck is that pervert/budding pedophile in the background? Seriously, you are too young to be being that fucked up. You're like the female version of the youngest member of Hanson. Go home little girl, go just, I don't know, do what normal girls do. Christ!

Rihanna - Rihanna, we'd like to welcome you to the club for wearing that dress. Yup, that's it. That's all we got. You're music is so-so, you feature and get featured with some cool people, but, yeah, you're just pretty 'round here.