Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Guest List for the Weekend of 05-March-2010

(DISCLAIMER: all names are clickable for relevant stories used to determine whether said guest should be "REJECTED" or "ACCEPTED")

An abbreviated list this week, to get back in the swing of things. Enjoy!

Yevgeny Plushenko - Yevgeny... do you realize what a douche you are? In the "let's get to know Yevgeny" segment NBC had on, we got to know a little bit more about you while you were driving around what i believe was Moscow. Sure there are some people out there who like figure skating, but straight-man-to-ambiguous-man, you're excuse to come back to figure skating was retarded. you need the excitement, the adrenaline? and again, i know it's a competition, but, and i'm allowed to be an ass since it's my club, it's not like cage-fighting or soccer. it isn't head-to-head, battle of the fiercest kinda adrenaline stuff. it is, in your case, a guy who wears silk and sequins who apparently doesn't know the rules to his competition (i can do a quad so i win, wah wah WAH!) sliding around on ice flailing his arms and legs and spinning without falling down. so, instead of giving you any more undeserved podium time (platinum, may ass, comrade), i'll bid you a congratulations on your silver, here's a silk ribbon, now go play with your nesting dolls.

Sen. Roy Ashburn - OK, now saying this isn't nice, it's meant as hyperbole, but Sen. Ashburn... is EVERY Republican in office gay? i mean, you guys fight tooth and nail time and time again against gay rights and for family values, and every month or two, we find one of you slurping at glory holes or jerking strangers off on barstools. why hate yourself? just be, be happy, or be in the dark of night and don't get caught. whatever, but we're not too big on two-faced cockhead politicians trying to hold their own kind down. love yourself... just not here, in line. wait till you get home.

Noah Cyrus - How in the hell did you get out of the house this late? And what are you doing in line to my club? You're hardly a tween and there are videos of you posted online smacking your ass to akon. Now, you've put out your own lip-sync (getting practice from your sister?) video to a song far beyond your age group? What is the deal? Why? Why can't your just have age-appropriate fun? And who the fuck is that pervert/budding pedophile in the background? Seriously, you are too young to be being that fucked up. You're like the female version of the youngest member of Hanson. Go home little girl, go just, I don't know, do what normal girls do. Christ!

Rihanna - Rihanna, we'd like to welcome you to the club for wearing that dress. Yup, that's it. That's all we got. You're music is so-so, you feature and get featured with some cool people, but, yeah, you're just pretty 'round here.


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