Friday, September 11, 2009

The Guest List for the Weekend of 11-September-2009

(DISCLAIMER: all names are clickable for relevant stories used to determine whether said guest should be "REJECTED" or "ACCEPTED")

Ayatollah Mohammad Taqi Mesbah-Yazdi - What in the holy fuckbawlz is wrong with you? Were you molested as a child? What happened to you that was so fucked up that you strove to a position where you support rape as a justifiable means to a confession? What's even funnier is that you are promoting sodomy as well. You SAY it's not sodomy because it's "not consensual", but you don't get to make up definitions, buddy. "Sodomy" is defined from numerous sources as "intercourse via the anus, committed by a man with a man or woman". Nowhere in there does it say "consensual". Awesome, I'm glad to see Islam is coming around to accepting homosexuality, it's just too bad it's in such a bad light, but at least you are providing them jobs. It's a start, douchebag. Who the fuck are you to say that it's allowed as long as the interrogator "a ritual washing first and say prayers while raping the prisoner. If the prisoner is female, it is permissible to rape through the vagina or anus. It is better not to have a witness present. If it is a male prisoner, then it's acceptable for someone else to watch while the rape is committed." What kind of shit is that? You better leave, nutjob! We have Alan Turing inside, and I'm guessing he wouldn't mind giving you a taste of your own medicine.

LeGarrette Blount - Takes a big man to sucker punch someone, doesn't it? You need to go back on your meds, buddy-boy. You were roughing up your own players even before Byron Hout came up to you. How long have you been playing football? Taunting is part of the game, you gotta roll with it. Your little temper tantrum is the exact opposite of what you should've done, and I'm sure immediately after the punch, you knew you fucked up, but that's how it goes. As far as know until now, time is one directional, and you fucked up. There's no going back. You're lucky to still be on scholarship as far as I'm concerned. Get the fuck outta line, and you might want to back away... I think we have some Boise State fans in line that might want some retribution.

Miyuki Hatoyama - Is there something in the water in Japan that makes you guys just majorly batshit loony? It used to be German porn was the weird shit, but Japan has taking the cake in the past few years with tentacle rape, bukkaki, eyeball licking, emetophilia, coprophilia... and the list goes on. Now, we find out that the incumbent Prime Minister is married to you, a certifiable lunatic. In short, you "eat the sun" every morning, you've been to Venus in the 70's (LSD anyone?), and you knew Tom Cruise, who was Japanese at the time, in a previous life. OK, umm... really, I don't know what to say, I'm speechless and you need electroshock therapy. Until then, we just kicked LeGarrette Blount out, and he probably has some anti-psychotic drugs with him, so go try to catch him before you hurt yourself.

Joe Wilson - Joe! WTF is up with South Carolina nowadays. That state is just falling in the shite, and you're the latest turd. You do understand that was NOT a town hall the other night? According to your position, you are supposed to listen to the President's speech, take from it what you will, and deal with that later. This isn't the House of Commons or whatever they have in the UK where everyone "Yea"s and "Nay"s. Also, you especially retarded being completely wrong in front of the President and all your peers. (go ahead an bookmark it, Joe) does all the handiwork for you. Check your facts, THEN make an ass out of yourself. You are far more credible that way. What I really liked, though, was your apology video. You apologize for you emotions getting the better of you, then ask for money to fight the good fight against illegals getting health care... A POINT THAT WAS ALREADY DEBUNKED, FUCKWAD! it's not going to happen. You're just spewing more GOP fear-mongering propaganda to get a few bucks from the skeered white folks. YOU LIE!!! now get the fuck!

JONAH - Coincidentally, I met you fucktards from an ad on the ove article about Ayatollah Crazy, whom I kicked out earlier. As you know, since you are part of the bigoted, close-minded group, JONAH stands for Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality. WHAT... THE... FUCK?! Alternatives? I know that Judaism, at least your sect of it is stuck in possibly PRE-stone age times, but we're pretty sure this isn't a choice. You don't choose your eye color, you don't choose your height, and you don't choose your sexuality. Now there might be a nature/nuture aspect to it, as there is to a lot of human personality traits, but nature seems to be pretty strong on this one. Technically, I could choose to go out and have a homosexual encounter, but that isn't homosexuality (in the sense of desire, etc). And just because you make acronyms for the affected (SSA stands for an unwanted same-sex attraction) doesn't make it a diagnosis or something. Psychologically, it looks important, but that's all it is... psychological propaganda for the small-minded. Just let people be. I mean, we know why you are doing it. If your congregation is gay ,they can't procreate, and in a few generations (I'm counting adoption), you mightn't have a congragation at all; and that would be SOOOOO sad! The same goes for Catholics disregarding condoms. If you can't convert them, breed them. JONAH, we don't like your kind around here, and by "your kind", we don't mean Jews, we mean close-minded assholes who can't see past their indoctrination to see people for who they really are. Out of line, and out of the gene pool, please!

Al Franken - Al, I have to say, all I really knew about you was that you were a comic on SNL for a few years. I didn't really care for many of your characters, but you were funny enough that I could pick you out of a lineup if I had to. I was surprised when I heard you were running for Senate, but it was refreshing. I think you are cut out for politics. The way you handled this group was fantastic. There was no yelling, intelligent points were made, it was a civilized debate. Fallacies were corrected, and shortcomings were noted. That is the way to achieve an understanding, a compromise. You're a pretty smart dude, and I think you found your calling. And if that fails, you can always do a road tour drawing maps of the USofA. Man, that just rocks! Come on in and educate the people.

Lubna al-Hussein - Lubna, it's a great thing you are doing, fighting for principal. The "morality police" arrested you for wearing pants that were "too tight" and a top that was "too sheer". Are these quantifiable measurements here? More than likely not, because if there were, the morality police would be out of a job. I'm guessing the morality police are just a roving band of perverts who claim they are just "doing their job". It's sad that you have to go a month in jail over a $200 fine, but that's better than the 40 lashes that you were originally supposed to receive. You resigned as a UN journalist to waive your immunity so you could face trial. That takes bigger bawlz than I have, but then again, I've never been oppressed in such a manner. We are truly proud to have you in the club (once you get out of jail), and don't worry... the morality police ain't got nothing on our elite force of tactically-trained bouncers. we are VERY concerned about the privacy of our clientele, so what happens in PTVR, stays in PTVR.

1 comment:

  1. Exceptional. As usual I approve of your choices. I'll pass the word - the post is up!!!