The Guest List for the Weekend of 28-August-2009

(DISCLAIMER: all names are clickable for relevant stories used to determine whether said guest should be "REJECTED" or "ACCEPTED")

Hurricane Wave Watchers - I know this may sound callous, but after reading this article, i find this a case of natural selection. It's not an perfect example, in the case of the young girl, since I'm guessing it wasn't her decision to go watch the waves. Blaming Hurricane Bill for these deaths is pointing the finger in the wrong direction. If a hurricane comes ashore and the people can't get out in time and get killed then... ok, blame the hurricane; but making the decision to go the beach to watch the waves is intentionally putting yourself at risk. It's not the hurricanes fault, it's your own poor risk assessment and decision making.

Bill O'Reilly - Bill, keep to what you are good at... inciting conservatives to hole up and protect themselves, no matter what damage that will do to their fellow Americans. In this clip, you tried your best imitate Jon Stewart in trying to clear your name with humor. You failed miserably. Plus, your rebuttals didn't even support your case. Yeah, you showed lengthened versions of the clips that Stewart showed, but nothing in the longer clips rebutted what Stewart said. Even in the correct context, Stewart's points were still valid. Come on, man, try a bit harder next time. Go home and think about what you did.

Betsy McCaughey - Betsy, now why did you take the opportunity to have Jon Stewart interview you? Have you watched "The Daily Show" before? Bring your binder to the interview, you looked like the kid in the 3rd grade who has to do a book report with a prop from the book. You tried to look prepared but then hadnt marked the places in the bill that you wanted to highlight. Poor planning there, m'lady. You did your best to try to sell your point to the audience rather than Jon, orating, if you will, to the camera rather than continuing in the debate with Stewart that you were losing. Still, TDS audience is fairly intelligent, maybe more so than you originally thought, and your grandstanding lack of preparation didn't really ingratiate yourself to them. It's too bad you made a bit of a fool of yourself with Stewart showing how you were twisting the words in the bill to your benefit. While you retool your talking points, i recommend every one else in line who didn't see the interview, take 23 minutes and check it out at the link. back of the line with ya!

Rush Limbaugh - I really wish you'd done something with more vitriol for your inaugural rejection, but this will have to do. I'm sure you'll do better in the future, as you have in the past. Patting yourself on the back for predicting the death of a seriously ill man isn't really praise-worthy. It seems like you just missed having your name in the headlines for a few weeks, so you jumped on whatever bandwagon you could to incense the media. We get it, your have an inferiority complex (and drug addiction issues, possible eating disorder, hyperhydrosis, etc.). You don't have to be mean to get attention. You can ask for a hug if you need that physical contact with REAL people. I'm guessing you were bullied as a child, and I'm sorry, really, but you don't have to be an ass to make up for it. Try to be a little nicer, and we might try to think about letting you in some other time. Now run along, I think i saw an Oxy script in the alley out back.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - How the hell did you get into the U.S., and what are you doing trying to get into a club? It's Ramadan, buddy. We don't really have the type of fare inside that you can use to break your fast. By the way, what's up with you wanting to prosecute opposition leaders in your country? This isn't really a good PR move for ya. You're acting like a spoiled kid, and telling your mommy on the kids that picked on you (don't talk to Rush, he's crazy). Oppressing the opposition will only strengthen their resolve (as long as you don't have crazy underground mofo's giving them cuban neckties). This puts further doubts in the collective world-mind to the authenticity of your election results. You need to take a break, relax, the world isn't out to hurt you, we just don't want crazy people to have nukes. It's ok to be crazy, it's interesting at times, just not near big bombs. Go home, and DON'T ask Allah what you should do. Get a second opinion.

Ted Kennedy - Ted, congratulations on being PTVR's first GhostGuest. I don't know much about you, I never really followed your work, but I have it on good authority that you were a fairly decent guy. It's sad to see you go before this health care bill was sorted, but hopefully your name will live on further once it is sorted. Welcome in, but don't spook the other guests.